WTF The Curse Of the Steak Sauce
by RandomAvocados
Summary: When Roy drinks a bottle of Ed's steak sauce, his military miniskirt dream comes true...Reader Beware...bad mental images ahead


This is a story my friend and I thought of at Tom Wahl's one day a long long long time ago. Like in September, 2005. Wow, I'm lazy aren't I?

Disclaimer: I don't own it, meaning FMA. I own the story though…and the steak sauce.

Warning: Bad mental images ahead! Turn back now if you want to keep your sanity.

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"This stuff doesn't even work," Roy said to himself, after gulping down the entire bottle of steak sauce. "I want my money back... oh wait, I didn't pay for it, I confiscated from Ed."

Just then the said alchemist walked into Roy's office. "Fullmetal..." Roy started, slightly confused, "…why are you wearing a mini-skirt?"

"WTF!" Ed exclaimed, his face a mix of confusion and fear. Then a moment later, it dawned on him. "Oh no Roy, tell me you didn't. Please tell me you didn't drink my steak sauce."

"Steak sauce? I have no idea what you're talking about! You have nothing against me!" He then ran past Ed, still claiming his innocence. Ed looked after him for a moment before laughing manically and saying, "Oh, the evils a single drop of steak sauce can create."

Roy ran down the hall and turned the corner. He ran straight into what he thought was a very large and hard statue, although when he looked up he saw Armstrong standing above him, wearing a pink, sparkling, extra-small miniskirt. And that's all he was wearing. This scene would give Roy nightmares for the rest of his life. "WTF Armstrong!" he screamed, shielding his burning eyes from the sight before him. "Why the hell are you wearing a mini-skirt? And an extra-small one at that!"

"WTF Mustang!" Armstrong said, ripping off his shirt..._Wait, _Roy thought, _where'd that shirt come from? Wasn't he just shirtless a second ago? _"I'm too sexy for my skirt," Armstrong started singing and dancing around in his micro-mini. "I'm too sexy for my skirt. I'm so sexy that it hurts."

_I think that steak sauce has some nasty side-effects. _"DAMN, you have a big ass, Armstrong."

The Strong Arm Alchemist immediately stopped dancing and stared at Mustang, his bottom lip quivering. "But my mommy said I have a small, cute ass."

"Well, your Mommy has a fat ass too!"

"WTF!" Armstrong yelled. "Why do you have to go and insult my momma? You're going to pay for that!"

"EEK!" Mustang squeaked as he ran for cover. Turning corner after corner, he finally dared to look behind him. There was no sign of Armstrong. Still looking backwards he bumped into another person. "NOOO!!!!" he screamed, thinking it was Armstrong, and started running again. "Don't eat me!"

"WTF! I'm not going to eat you!" Mustang heard Hughes's voice call out to him, so he stopped running and turned around.

"WTF! What is it with everyone wearing mini-skirts today?!" he screamed as he saw Maes standing there wearing a navy blue, military-style miniskirt.

"WTF! Mustang? You're the one that's wearing a miniskirt!"

Roy looked down and saw that he too had on a miniskirt. His was light green with multi-colored flowers. "This is not what I wanted!" he screamed. "My Military Miniskirt Dream is turning into a nightmare! I have yet to see Riza in one!" He shook his head, trying to wake himself up from what he thought was a good dream gone horribly wrong. "Oh, Riza, Riza, wherefore art thou Riza?"

"Actually Roy, wherefore means why." Maes explained to the Flame Alchemist. "So you're saying 'why are you Riza,' not 'where are you Riza.'"

"Does it look like I care?" Roy ran past Maes, searching for his one true love. Hughes stared at his retreating back momentarily before pulling out a picture of Elysia in a miniskirt and showing it to the next person who walked by.

Roy meanwhile, kept running, trying to ignore the random people in miniskirts he passed. "Riza!" he squealed as he saw a blonde haired person at the end of the hall. "Riza! It's you! I've found you!" He sprinted towards who he thought was Hawkeye, knocking over everyone that happened to get in his way. "Riza!" he finally reached her, grabbing onto her shoulder and twirling her around. "AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "YOU'RE NOT RIZA!"

"WTF Mustang!" The random person looked at Roy like he was crazy before walking away. Roy turned around, and headed towards another flash of gold he saw in the crowd. This person must have realized that a crazed Flame Alchemist was following them, for they picked up their pace, darting through the flock of miniskirt-clad military personnel with ease. "Wait!" Mustang called after them, but still, the person didn't stop. "Riza, why are you running from me? Your Romeo! Your soul mate! We are meant to be together! We're-"What they were, nobody ever found out, for right then, Mustang tripped over a random miniskirt lying on the ground.

The blonde-haired person finally halted and turned around slowly. When Roy saw who it was, he started crying. For there stood the Fullmetal Alchemist, with an evil grin on his face and a micro mini around his waist.

"Ed! Come help me! Help me find Riza!"

The eldest Elric inched towards him, the creepy grin still plastered on his face. "Me? Help you?" He laughed manically at this. "After all those shrimp references? I don't think so."

"Please!" Roy was crawling on his hands and knees towards Ed. "I'm begging you! I take back everything I ever said and I promise I won't make any more comments about your height."

Ed laughed again. "Goodbye, Mustang." Just then, the Fuhrer walked around the corner and stood beside him, wearing…you guessed it…a black, leather miniskirt. Mustang screamed yet again and started shaking on the ground. "The horror! THE HORROR!"

"Mustang…" the Fuhrer started, walking over to him. "It has come to my attention that you have ingested an illegal bottle of steak sauce."

"I'm sorry! I never meant for everything to turn out like this! It was just supposed to be some harmless fun!" Roy remained motionless after that, except for the occasional twitch.

"Do you know how serious that crime is?" the Fuhrer asked, hands on his miniskirt-clad hips.

Twitch. Twitch.

"Are you aware that steak sauce is a highly dangerous and unstable substance?"

Twitch. Twitch.

"You give me no choice but to punish you."

Twitch. Twitch.

"Your punishment will be to stay in this room…" he went over to a random door and opened it, "…for an entire day. If you have not learned your lesson, then I will lengthen the sentence." Roy allowed himself to be dragged up and led into the room. After sitting the Flame Alchemist down on a chair, the Fuhrer quickly left, locking the door behind him.

Roy had no idea what was going on. Since when is being locked in a room significant punishment? That is when he heard it. A voice. Singing. "I'm too sexy for my skirt…"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Roy shrieked, running towards the door and banging on it with his fists. "LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF, FUHRER!!!! I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON!! NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

On the other side of the door, Ed and the Fuhrer were snickering behind their hands. "He finally gets what he deserves," Ed said between bouts of laughter. There was no better amusement than hearing the Flame Alchemist's screams.

THE END

Now review! And tell me what you think! Or I will lock you in a room with a miniskirt-clad Armstrong! Mwahhhahahaha!


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